"MY WIFE TAKES IT UP ......BUT IF I HAVE TO TAKE IT UP I WILL"

“Im putting some paper in the old ding a ling machine”

“you know I told you we were having trouble getting the half shaft in”

“I’M NOT SAYING YOU HAVENT DONE IT , I’M SAYING YOU HAVENT GIVEN IT IT TO ME!”

“My wife likes it twice a week”

“Its growing by the minute”

“What he’s done in the past has satisfied me”

“Ive got that, but I doubt it’ll be man enough for the job you want…”

“at the moment I’m at one end of the bloody sausage machine…and I know what ingredients have been tossed in”

“It’s a good size isnt it?

“Its always been known as my crowbar……it tapers towards the end……….on some jobs I’ve bent it so only the tube was showing……..its about 6 foot long”

“So hows your old banger doing these days?”

DID HE HAVE HIS THING OUT?

keeping warm with the master

“You’re grinding away for an hour and a half to get the house warm again”

“Pump masses in”

“Dribble it in during the day”

Someone’s been trying to get a grasp of it but no-one has”

“I KEEP TRYING TO LOOK AT IT BUT YOU KEEP WHIZZING IT AROUND”

"THE LEG ROOM IN THE BACK IS VERY LIMITED"
"YOU MAY FIND IT ABIT TIGHT"
"THEY HAD THEIR LEGS AROUND THEIR KNECKS"

“Then I can jiggle it”

We spent the afternoon going at it like tourists

“slightly soft and very wet”

“We’re going to charge you for handling it”

“IVE HAD A PROBLEM I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF – I THINK I’VE SORTED IT OUT BUT I HAVENT……I HAD TO WASH THE END PIECE……”

“At first I thought they were soft but I felt them and ding ding ding they were hard”

“I THINK WE’D JUST BETTER GET HARD” Master to Kevin

“I’ve never experienced wind like it”

“I’ve offered it to people and they “oohhhh yes that’s interesting isn’t it”, then of course I’ve had health and safety on about it to me”

“I JUST HOPE SHE HASN’T GOT IT IN THE GUSSETT”

“Lets get it on!”

“You can put your finger in the crack”

busy day

Can you sit on it Tony?


Is there any way we can firm up


Lets have it out and put it back.

“Lets get it out on site and measure it”


“Its going Legal! Its going Legal!”

“Side to side and on the right hand side”

“I know you’re working on it”

“What inflatable is it?” chuckle “Well take a good pump!”

“I did it one year and it split all the butt – I must find you photographs…”

“I understand you worries about hard spots”

“ARE are are you upstairs or downstairs……could you go downstairs??”

foreplay -- master style

Then I turned the nipple – just to stiffen it up…….

better out than in I suppose

“I spent four hours and I filled a dustbin – you know how it is”


“I just got it in all these bloody jam jars and pots”

“She’s ok – if you take her in the garden she’ll happily go between your legs”

“It’ll come up and then go down within two hours”

he was on good form this day

“At first I thought they were soft but I felt them and ding ding ding they were hard”



“You can’t get any idea of how strong it is without doing some penetration.”



“the solution is to straddle the pipe”




“two and a half metres solid and about forty metres long at least”




You’re halfing your load or doubling your stiffness.




You could but some sort of bracing on the lower one and deflect your load from the wall.

This chap was there smoothing it out with his hands.




He was smothered in it.

“I get a bit anal about these things”


“They cleaned the bottom off”


“It was cracked and torn through shrinkage”

“The entry really wasn’t very good”


“You put the prices up and people don’t come”

If you’re worried about it being too small – get a size larger and wear thicker socks….

“I’m all sticking up”

“Are they bare rooted?”


“Its designed to span over a swallow hole”

“Lets see if you can get something sharp up the other end”

"You've only got a very small member"

“I’m sticking my nose in and doing a bit of sniffing around”

“You shouldn’t laugh - I’m trying to reduce it in size”